Thursday Outside Port Office

Having had a drunken epiphany while getting dressed, he figures it is much easier to relate to underage girls if you let them think you're underage also.






We realise this is a bit of a cheap shot. This could really be any drunk crumb in any city. We can't blank out his eyes because the look of sheer ecstasy flowin' from them as a pretty fat looking sub makes sweet love to his face is priceless. But yeah - this guy is included because our street is lined with hungry drunks like this chillin on the darkened corners every thursday night. They throw out inebriated nonsensical sexual propositions between mouthfulls. 'fuknheehlyew looklykeamoistie scoff*whereyougoin?Toogoodahhrwee?fuknbitches.yeahman*scoff*

...and that's all hot and stuff but if they aren't even going to throw in a bundy and coke at the stocky then we don't want no scrubs.

We found robert de niro's young clone hanging outside our building waiting for me when we got home. There is something about a strange guy lighting up a stogey outside your place.... We could be living in my parents mansion, getting my rent, food and electricity paid in one of the safest of cities on a far-flung and isolated british colony but lets be honest here, he really made us feel underground and urban.

Then we went upstairs, took a milk bath while smoking big fat wads of plastic australian cash and congratulated ourselves on being awesome and middle class.

Brizbayne Biker Bitches

We've been having problems with Ghettobrizbayne lately. Y'see, we've tried really hard not to go all out and actively look for ghettobriz types to photograph, rather preferring to let the crumbs come to us, but it seems we’ve contracted jane goodall-itis - we’ve spent too much time around the friggen monkeys and now we can’t pull ourselves away and are actually drawn into their inner circle. My scientific detachment is all but gone and now we're frolicking around the jungle getting way too up close and personal - y'know, the usual stuff... communicating with the head males, pissing off the in season females -

Next thing you know we'll be doing our shopping in Indooroopilly and flinging poo with the rest of ‘em.

These guys were really awesome. They completely dispelled all our misguided apprehensions about bikers. Like - that after a hard days work smuggling drugs in their undies, beating up shopkeepers and kidnapping christian debutantes and turning them into their biker bitches, they actually prefer nothing more than kicking back along Brunswick St late at night to chow down on a packet of Kettle Crisps.

...and that is all cool and stuff but when they have sexy chicks like these waiting for them at home with a hot dinner, breastfeeding their little Gen.Z offspring they have to realise that soon enough these girls are going to move on to bigger and better things...

Like this guy.

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n153/nylonewhite/bikerdbitchesnewboyfriend.jpg

Jason Bateman loves Brizbayne too

I'm almost completely sure that I told all of the ghetto peeps that I photographed last night the truth about what they were posing for - but I was kind of hammered before I left the house so maybe I didn't. Hey guys - if you recognise yourself on here and you don't like it STFU because you posed for the friggen camera like a hungry coked up Lindsay Lohan (LiLo - I really LOVE you). BUT y'know there are plenty more crumbs out there so just remember that you can be easily replaced if you feel offended. Now how does that make you feel?

For instance - I was meeting a friend at the Belgian for a beer around 9.30 so I stopped by the 7Eleven on edward st for a pack of cigarettes (for the first time in 4 months - 'Thank you jesus'). Came across these awesome dudes outside. Now, I know they LOOK homeless but the one on the left had just paid for a sausage roll with his eftpos card and you just can't get any more bourgeois than that. They wanted me to tell ya'll that their names are John and Joe. Or Joe and Jake. Fuck it - can't remember.

This chicks identity I have to keep sacred because I think I did actually lie to her. She was spewing her guts up outside MetroArts and I wanted an action snap but didn't feel 100% right about it. So instead I told her I was a model scout from models.com and wanted her on our books. She was pretty out of it but man if that isn't a Magnum pose I don't know what is.

Apparently Jason Bateman from arrested development hangs out at The Down Under Bar. He drinks jugs of Tooheys New and has a new found swedish accent. Loving his come fuck me eyes. Damned if I wasn't gonna do it with him right then and there.

Brisbane - 'it aint gonna suck itself'

Firstly, I just want to shout out to mum and dad for bringing me up all white and middle class and stuff. The arts degree did help hone my class system guilt but it was mostly your constant praise, attention and dispensing of cash that made me who I am today!


And to all the peeps I've met and continue to meet in these slummy places - I salute you!

Especially THIS guy in the black Tshirt - who I found at Gilhooleys Chermside - you sum it up pretty well....